I lived this way for many years sometimes using pot and alcohol to numb my pain. My family see me as a problem , now I am at uni , it’s like they want me to stay and never darken their doorstep again , I am doing ver well at uni , but I am so lonely soo lonely , this can’t be normal . I hope it helps. Thanks for your article on the critical inner voice. “This feeling has almost no bearing in reality”. I’m a newley wed who has never felt more alone, than being single. Your feelings will always come and go, like a tumbleweed blowing through the day. I feel like if I disappeared no one would miss me. If we start to see the world as threatening or not accepting of us, we are much more likely to act in ways that push away or alienate others. No one wanted to know why I did some things. I lost everything to a marriage like this including my loved ones, my health, my mind, and my ability to work. Spirituality. Good luck and much love. It entails genuine love and care. I’m sure I’m better for all the knowledge and somehow an annoying intellectual is more acceptable than annoying regular folks. I feel like I only attract toxic people and I feel like there isn’t anything I can do about it. I’m 60 and have felt like most have described here since I was a kid! Which further isolates you and increases your feelings of self doubt, vulnerability, lonliness and being accepted. My inner voice tells me that what I’m seeking I will never be able to find. How much time do you spend alone with yourself? This voice will eventually fade into the background. At 42 years old I’m convinced my life will probably never get better, I will always be alone, unwanted by any women, discarded and thrown away like a piece of trash. A throw-away age that also includes people. No, I won’t involve them in my life unless they make an effort and I am legitimately interested in spending time with them. Nothing is for sure. I don’t like to get out into crowds alone or go to church alone. I can’t even get out of the tub without help. Sometimes it’s just the truth of who we are – we simply are truly that ugly, that unattractive, that less-than-100% perfect, that means people, especially men, don’t like us, won’t even give us the time of day, won’t even deign to spit on our shoes, because we’re not even enough to get past that first social hurdle of looks. I decided to keep quiet. My father and I use to be so close when I went and lived with him when I was 15 and moved out when I was 20 and since then we now live I different states and I’ve seen him 3 times in the past 19 yrs due to his wife n kid they had 16 yrs ago….what a shame & blow that was to me having the best father a girl could ask for and its gone in an instant!!! But I then I developed that guilt & regret & stupid& sorrow toward myself & how I am made to feel. But I have tried being obnoxious to see if that would get me heard at least…but the reaction from the group when I do that is someone calls me out to put me in my place and I end up humiliated. I have social anxiety and I agonize going to work everyday. Parents are their child’s, first love. Now I’m 68 and stopped dating or trying since the last man who I spent 2 years with left with my money. Everybody was busy, so nobody came. No one wants me. You might not be able to change your situation, but you can change how you cope with your life. Some people are more likeable than others. then they are complaining about me to someone else not to my face am I really that bad. . It’s been 19 years since the first time, and I still remember the exact moment they looked at me and laughed at me and said how it was “such a shame” I wasn’t as attractive as the other girl they’d just talked to. I hide in the library, pretending to study, but I just sleep there or cry. I actually don’t have anyone to talk to that I can just talk to & vent without someone reporting me to someone & telling me I’m sick,, or twisted & throwing it up later on & eventually regret that I told because trust & betrayal ruins it, I feel judged. You are greater than the problems that come at you to ruin your life. The women whom I’ve admired from afar for their minds (mostly) are straight. Hi my name is Nini. But the thing about it for me is, I have no idea what I do wrong. I nvr felt loved by my mom as a child and always tried to do things to pls her but never got the loving reaction I expected. All I can say is if anyone needs that miracle its YOU. My whole life I felt that there was something seriously wrong with me that everybody knew about but know one talks about. Perhaps it is for the better. Maybe you’re grieving a breakup or loss, or you’re lonely or homesick for the past. I did sports and piano too. Bernie this is very interesting, and I’m not going to argue and say you’re wrong. When in public, it’s like I’m invisible, or people can tell there’s something wrong with me. 4. Anyone who has not had our experience will try to find some reason that the problem is something in our behaviour. */. I have a roof over my head until the unemployment benefits run out . Why does no body ever message me and ask how I’m doing? Lucie, I could have written this myself. Another effect is timidity. God bless Jamil. I WOUNDER IF THAT WRIGHT? You cannot resolve anything with someone who refuses to talk to you. Right, forget about the critical inner voice, what about all the critical outer voices?? I am 60 years old, married, moved to warmer climate in a 55+ community hoping to meet people like me. But I didn’t expect that I would not see this coming. sick of worrying and looking like a pratt for trying to get people to like me. Perhaps there is something unacceptable about me but I have given up trying to understand it and that in itself is liberating! I never said anything to my mom because I felt like somehow I was bringing it on myself and I still feel that way today – that somehow it’s all my fault. Yet he is constantly invited to things evidenced by FB photos and I sit home uninvited. She said she hadn’t seen me standing there. I’m friendly and smile a lot but am never included. This article is not accurate. But I’m putting that blame on to her and I don’t mean to I love her to pieces but even if we go to her familys it’s like there’s no communication and I’m sat there’s bored out my head I keep constantly getting headaches because I feel like I’m not enough or doing anything Wright. I don’t ever think of her as a demon. You can change what you allow yourself to believe about yourself and the world, and that will change everything. I miss having someone to love. But I have a desire to act extremely nice, even submissive, though I don’t think I am thinking very kindly of the other person. I now live even further away… & know no one, so see no one, as I have always been the one to maintain the relationships I’ve had. I was struck by the eighteenth sentence you wrote above – if that is true, you might be interested in this article about the scientifically-supported study of positive emotions and thought, and your power over creating them. The problem is, you have been listening to your inner critic for so long that you bought the ‘my-family-doesn’t-love-me’ story. I help people and It makes me incredibly said that the only emotional outlet available to me, is one that I need to pay for:-(. I have a couple of friends, but they are usually busy with their families. No one likes me.” Then next to these voices, write down the thoughts as “you” statements. I think plenty of us here probably get enough of that treatment already… , No one like me too but my sister is so lucky and have lots of friend. Look up Passive-Aggressive. And when years later I found a partner, he too chose his mom over me. No One Will Ever Love Me – 5 Ways To Deal With It We have talked about the reasons that make you feel unloved; let’s talk about how you can deal with feeling unloved. My mom always adored my brother more than me. I suppose I will always be as I am, maybe the feeling I have about myself are ingrained just too deep. But I also think it’s much more complex than this lays it out to be. Most of my life I would say I’ve endured a lot of bullying, feeling ostracized and constantly pushed away and treated at a distance. I do love myself a lot. Look I know you mean well but I’ve yet to experience much positive energy coming in my direction, when I trusted people in the past they took advantage or they let me down, it’s difficult to make friends if people don’t want to. So, if your inner critic tells you to stay in seclusion or to keep your mouth shut at a party, uncomfortable as it may feel at first, you have to find a way to not indulge in the behavior. I will have compassion for myself. Why did you stay? I know what most think about me, and it’s hard to disagree. It hurt…a lot. I read an article that says if you look at ppl coming towards you in the eye they will move, it seemed to work. She died of cancer,when I got cancer. Me, I’m too timid and nice I guess. Sometimes when I feel especially lonely I just hide in the library. My parents were abusive when I was a child. I have always been shy and problematic. I do have various sensory disabilities so folk just nix even the educational psychologist said I was a social isolate at 8 years old with few friends with a very low sense of belonging & unfortunately this pattern has remained whilst opportunities are not a given. Why is nobody else interested in C.S. I had two friends in my lifetime, and both times they didn’t want to spend any time with me, they just wanted to use me. I suppose my lack of popularity stems from being socially awkward but I don’t know that I’m missing out on much. No one likes you.” This actually helps you start to separate and see the voice as an enemy and not the real you. Ok Seriously, what about when I think everything is great. You can get that help. I welcome challenges. You might find some of the resources on this mental health website helpful with the feelings that you described: http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/self-criticism This is a perfect description of my life. Omg this is literally all of my thoughts and the why was Correct too I was bullied badly and my first relationship was mentally and verbally abusive. You need that dream life and that amazing house with a supportive family and no racism. I am still healing and moving foward and still a lot if defeating thoughts of not being liked or feeling alone but I do put more effect of talking myself off of the ledge. Liking yourself means enjoying your own company, feeling content in solitude, and even being able to eat in restaurants and go to movies alone. Fortunately I’m pretty easily made mildly happy by other things, and lots of things interest me so I am not often bored. That and being deep means we crave, intimate and meaningful relationships. Why was it wrong when I said and did that? I think I “get it”. I have back to this blog hundreth of times and still nothing changed…. Even in bed! But what do you do when within one week, you go out to do shopping or travelling somewhere and you come across people who serve you (in my case, assistants serving me at the check-out in two different supermarkets, and the ticket master at a station) and they just start ‘projecting’ onto you. My parents have never thought to seek help to deal with my mental illness. Sick peoples try’s to make us feel crazy. When people write down or say their voices out loud, they sometimes have insight into where these mean thoughts originated. There are also exercises we can practice on our own that can help us to challenge our critical inner voice. It sounds like you’re writing about me! All the rules about asking people about themselves and keeping talk of myself limited doesn’t mean anything apparently. Is that wrong? I would like adult company sometimes. Im actually surprised how many people feel the way i do. Where does he live now? Lewis at my school, or why does nobody likes to talk about Monet? There are endless battles to be fought, and many people quit after just losing one. It had gotten to where I don’t get bothered by it too much anymore bc I spend most of my time with my child. I see people in bad relationships when they should be millionaires with the sweetest husband or wife. If a parent thought of us as lazy, helpless or as a troublemaker, for example, we tend to incorporate these attitudes toward ourselves on an unconscious level throughout our lives. Sexually molested as a young girl, Emotionally and physically abused also. I think the therapists need to concentrate less on what the victims are doing wrong and more on the people who make them victims. It’s prob not everybody and I bet it’s your mom trying to have power over you . That was very well said. Relative to having a sexual relationship, there is a certain dynamic that men absolutely must understand and it is this: "A woman's interest in sex and desire for sex (or the lack thereof) with a … Give me some advices . I realize certain things today and try to change those in my life. Maian, you have very articulately stated exactly how I feel, myself. I’ve probably known this stuff for decades, (I’m now 67) and some of the causes, such as always feeling I am the ‘odd one out’ because of being born with a couple of physical disabilities, (both mainly invisible) one of which I am a proud I survived from and own up to, whilst the other I am always ashamed of. 10 Easy Conversation Starters, 6 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You, Is Your Marriage Over? Is what I said unforgivable? Vitamin B1 deficiency is an extremely under-diagnosed illness today, presenting in hundreds of symptoms. What if your HUSBAND thinks you’re boring? It is what it is right now. Elizabeth, that is called verbal abuse. And even if they do love you, you won’t know how to receive their love. Whether its old “friends”, family, or coworkers it doesn’t work out Plus I feel like a real ‘nothing’ in this world. It’s either the people are too weird or it’s too far away. And fully expect you to just suck it up and take what you get; all is well when you say nothing & let most of the crap go in one ear & out the other. Move and won't ever have any thing to do with my awful family again. No one checks on me. To me, love is listening and talking honestly about stuff that matters. And when they know I am feeling down, they don’t want to hear it, which just adds to this spiral. I am ashamed to tell my family i don’t want to disappoint them. It will allow you to shed layers that keep you from feeling yourself. ?? That’s how you know you’re still alive, I think. Thanks for sharing . I’m talking alone alone — alone with your thoughts, feelings, dreams and hopes. Put on a happy song, think back to one of your happier times.. do you not smile? They want you to just shut up.” It’s important to get a hold on what situations trigger your critical inner voice and what that voice is saying to you in those moments. Wow. I feel as though I’m not good enough or pretty enough for anyone to love. When you feel like you never do anything right. I'm the oldest of three children, and I know that parents favour one of their children over the other. “No one cares” , “no one loves me”, “no one would even notice”, “my bills”, “my guilt”, “my loneliness”, on and on and on. Everything we are thinking is based on how everyone else treats us. My life has been like a roller coaster, but I’ve learned games & yes I’ve played them maybe only because that’s what I knew to get what I felt like I needed then I developed that guilt & regret toward myself & how I am made to feel. 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